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Unless you have moved to Mars, you probably know by now that  Kamaal R Khan has approached  SRK for his  mega budget superhero movie called “Mahdi, the ultimate superhero”.  To set the records straight we called SRK ‘s  office to confirm.  SRK’s  manager  informed us that indeed SRK has received the script from Kamaal R  Khan, but due to his injury and busy schedule, SRK has yet to read it.   

On further investigation we were able to ascertain that Kamaal R Khan had also approached Amir Obama,  Hritikh Roshan,  Askhay Kumar and a few other  for the same role.  One of them,  was so visibly upset by Kamaal R Khan’s double timing that he gave us a page  of the script that he had received. Hence Ladies and Gentlemen, my fellow members, I am proud to present to you the leaked portions from Kamaal R Khan’s “Mahdi, the ultimate superhero”.  

In the capital of a Middle Eastern kingdom, it is “Arabian Idol” night.  The leaders and rain makers of the Arabian world have come together this night at the new Halliburtan Center on the equally new Simon Wiesenthal  Boulevard. The contest is about to begin.

The first contestant is George Bush, he comes on the stage like some royal primadonna , and sings in his now infamous Texan twang,  

"Yaar dildaar tooje kaisa chaheeye, deen chaheeye, ke dunya chaheeye”

While George Bush struts like a peacock on the stage, Ronald Reagan turns in his grave, his vision for the Republicans blurred in the hands of compromised leadership.

Prince Baladi Bankasi stands up, blows  a kiss to Bush and shouts out loud, “We want you Booosh, we want you my Habibi”. Everyone nods, one even asks, “Is  Boooosh joking ? Does he seriously think that there will be any takers for Deen in the Middle East? Religion my friend has long vanished from this region, now it is all Politics “

Ahmedinejad, comes up next, he sings,

“Yeh duniya, yeh mehfil, tere kaam ki nahin, tere kaam ki nahin”

People start booing and throwing rotten tomatoes,  sadly he is not even allowed to complete the song, guards rush in to throw him out. Some people wonder how he got into the contest, while  a few in the audience also wondered why free speech does not apply to all ? Why is it that even jokes and parodies when they  mock us is OK , but in return we cannot even speak our minds or talk to each other?

NYC Times’ reporter in the audience twitters, “Ahmeddinejad has just threatened to blow up the world”.

Tony Blair is hurriedly pushed in to calm the audience down . He comes dressed like Ranbir Kapoor in Saboreiya, wearing just a towel.  To the steps of “Jeb Se Tere Naina” he sings,

"Aaadmi hoon aadmi se pyar karta hoon”

While dancing, Mr Blair allows the towel to slip a little (once in a while) so as to reveal his newly acquired Brazilian. With pouted lips and targeted winks Tony makes it abundantly clear that he is willing to allow a select few in the audience to have their way with him, as long as Britain the nation can have its way with Middle East.  A Sheikh from Q8 seeing Tony’s towel dance, SMSes to his architect to start work on Palace # 2009.

Slowly walking away from the audience with exaggerated swinging hips , Tony then breaks out into,

“Phoolon ke rang se, dil kee kalam se, tuz ko likhee roj baatein
kaise bataaoo kis kis tarah se, pal pal muze too satataa

tere hee sapane lekar ke soyaa, tere hee yaadon mein jaagaa
tere khayaalon mein ulzaa rahaa yoo jaise ke maalaa mein dhaagaa

baadal bijalee chandan paanee, jaisaa apanaa pyaar
lenaa hongaa janam humei kaee kaee baar
itanaa madeer, itanaa madhoor teraa meraa pyaar
lenaa hogaa janam humei kaee kaee baar”

The crowd now goes crazy. They start whistling & ululating. A few extra virile men in the audience start making a mental list of names that they could potentially give to their child from Tony. Ahmeddinejad is all but forgotten. Little does this audience know or care that this is exactly how Rome too was built on gold stolen from Egypt. This audience is just mesmerized by Tony’s grooming choice.  

Benjamin Netanyahu sensing an opportunity comes in next. Obama’s recent coldness towards Israel is weighing him down.  Hoping to win over some new support he sings,

"Koi humdum na raha, koi sahara na raha, hum kissike na rahe, koi humara na raha “

Netanyahu lets a few crocodile tears trickle out of his eyes while emphasizing, “Koi sahara na raha”. Seeing Netanyahu cry, the audience starts sobbing.  Saudis get up and pledge that come next summer they will back Netanyahu’s brutal adventure in Lebanon. Egyptians double that by promising to support  Gazan genocide.

The lights fade out gently. When the curtain goes up again, to everyone’s horror, OBL is at the center stage, dressed like  Darth Vader, he looks like a Hollywood prop. He sings,

“Hum arbi pathan ki baat mut poochoji, jo pyar kiya, toh pyar kiya, Jo nafrat ki, toh bomb maar diya."

Fear grips the audience. There is a pin drop silence,  the powerful suddenly look impotent. As usual the world looks to George Bush, who stands up and orders to shoot, “Kill him”, he says, “don’t worry about collateral damage”.

Just as mysteriously as he had appeared center stage a short while ago, OBL mysteriously disappears.  Not a single bullet touches OBL, but as usual, quite a few thousand innocent humans die that night. It is sad how  this bearded monster, and his goons, appear whenever there is a need to justify the killing of decent people or tarnish the institute of religion. OBL is there whenever the powers to be need to take over lands (Iraq). He is there whenever chaos has to be injected into a country (Pakistan) to destabilize it.We need to ask ourselves who does OBL actually works for. He certainly has done humanity no favors. From Indonesia  to North Africa to beyond, every home has paid a price for OBL’s deed.

One young child who lost his parents that night at the “Arabian Idol”, sets off on foot, like Ibn Batuta did centuries ago, on a “Journey to Mecca”.  Through treacherous terrain and harsh weather he belabors on to Mecca to ask God what was his crime that he took away his parents. With weak legs but strong resolve he marches on to Mecca. On seeing the Holy Kaaba for the first time, tranquility overcomes him, he surrenders to the will of Allah and prays  for peace, for all people, all over the world. He begs to God to send a superhero to free the world from oppression & injustice.  To restore free trade & free speech, and reduce the tax burden.  To free all occupied lands. 

Allah(swt) in his infinite wisdom accept his prayers, and sends down the Mahdi (the ultimate superhero).


Armed with the few pages from the script we headed to Kamaal R Khan’s office.  Kamaal denies ever sending the script to anyone except SRK.  

“Something has gone wrong here. There has to be some mistake. Why would I send my script to Dwarf Khan, when I need King Khan and only King Khan.”, he asks.

Kamaal R Khan clarifies, “My script requires The Mahdi to descend from heaven onto the Grand Mosque in Damascus Syria. I need special effects, and  only Red Chillies has the capabilities to make this happen. This is why I need SRK”.

Kamaal further adds, “The movie has kick arse violence because the Madhi fights the oppressors (occupiers),  the arrogant (today’s sold out leaders) and the ignorant (OBL type fake religious leaders).  On top of that the movie is slightly preachy, because the Mahdi shows where we have gone wrong.  The movie has no songs, and like CDI does not have a conventional heroine. Only SRK can pull this off. Amir Obama will fall way short, no pun intended. ”

We ask Kamaal R Khan if he thinks SRK would accept his offer, he replies, “One way or the other, Allah will send me my Mahdi. You wait and see, this world needs an honorable superhero”.

So my friends, fellow members, let us wait and watch. Let us wait for “Mahdi, the ultimate superhero”.

Written by :

Shaan Khan

 

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Aks   |Administrator |2009-05-10 17:17:25 Awesome write up Shaan, Welcome to FK Reply | Quote 1   0

Shaan Khan   |Manager |2009-05-10 18:05:38 Thanks. The site looks good. Reply | Quote 0   0

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Saim  - Mr   |92.15.34.xxx |2009-05-10 21:12:15 See! People do know the value of SRK, what he can do. Thanks for this article particularly for SRK, the KING KHAN's fans...GOD bless him. Reply | Quote 0   0

DON   |Manager |2009-05-11 10:55:25 No words to describe this article. I am speechless, how effortlessly Shaan bhai you put Today's world and Today's Bollywood in some way or other. Take a Bow....Guys Reply | Quote 0   0

Shaan Khan   |Manager |2009-05-11 11:36:37 Don Thank you. Reply | Quote 0   0

Shaan Khan   |Manager |2009-05-13 20:18:46 1. http://*******www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbPE6vgWu... 2. http://*******www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dGuFfMZS... Reply | Quote 0   0

DON   |Manager |2009-05-13 22:05:21 Thank You for the link Shaan Bhai. Reply | Quote 0   0

DON   |Manager |2009-05-13 22:12:47 My point about all this is crystal clear. For me its a set up laid down during 80's when US made those Talibans themselves, left them there, a long a long planning, to capture Iraq/Iran/Pakistan and most importantly China. I just ask one simple question to the people, its not that i want that thing to happen, but there is no big incident[I wish there is no in future as well] in Europe/USA? Just Pakistan is suffering. Why? They are just playing 'Games' in Afghanistan. Its all preplanned. Reply | Quote 0   0

DON   |Manager |2009-05-13 22:19:23 Blah Blah about Nuclear takeover is such a stupid excuse to be made. Its like a fiction story being written in Pentagon. C'mon give us a break. Please! Reply | Quote 0   0

DON   |Manager |2009-05-13 22:21:25 we have lost thousands of our soldiers and local people just for this so called WAR and still International community is not satisfied or trust us? We lost the most in this made up 'WAR'. Reply | Quote 0   0

Shaan Khan   |Manager |2009-05-14 15:33:27 One way to look at the Taliban & their umbrella organization, AQ, is that they are programmers at a software body shop. They will at times work on a project on behalf of Apple and on other times on behalf of IBM (Apple's traditional competition). Their ONLY vested objective is to avoid being on the bench (It is dark and dingy in the caves in Afghanistan). Hence it is pointless to argue whether these goons are involved in a certain incident or not, what is more important is to know on who's behalf were they working. To their credit they won for USA one of its biggest victory against the former USSR. It was not the stinger guns but the efforts and sacrifice of the Taliban (including Pakistan) that won USA its victory. Unfortunately there is no memorial in Washington DC for these Talibans & Pakistanis, only Charlie Wilson is celebrated. Reply | Quote 0   0

Shaan Khan   |Manager |2009-05-14 15:33:43 Just to put a closure on this thought, allow me to also say that nations do terrible things in pursuit of their vested interest. This cannot be a consolation to those that suffer on account of USA's action, but I have no doubt that in the absence of USA, if Russia or China were in charge, things would have been exponentially worse. As long as OIL and natural commodities exists in weak nations, they will be exploited by the strong nations. Do not forget Baluchistan has a lot of Copper, Gold & Natural Gas, hence what is happening in Pakistan is par for the course. Just look at what is going on in Africa to realize how bad it could be, if the Europeans were in charge. Reply | Quote 0   0

DON   |Manager |2009-05-14 15:37:14 I agree everyone look for their vested interest and USA did so Pakistani Government and Army got benefits in terms of money etc. But what i want is trust. Why are we called Terrorist state when Power Houses are themselves spreading Terror all over the world. And is this fine what US is doing? Reply | Quote 0   0

Shaan Khan   |Manager |2009-05-14 16:30:47 No one will call you a terrorist the day it stops bothering you. They will then call you whatever bothers you the most. The whole effort is to place you on a defensive posture. Muhammad Ali (former world heavy weight champ) won many fights, some of them simply because he was able to get under the skin of his opponents. Hence stop being defensive. Wear insults as a badge of honor and you will then get under the skin of those that attempt to insult you. At the end of the day you are whatever you want to be. No one can make you or break you except you yourself. The problem is that Pakistan is weak and hence the super powers push you around. In fact as long as education, industry and infrastructure is absent, Pakistan or any nation will remain weak and therefore will get pushed around(and will be called names). Fortunately Pakistan still has some strength. Fear the day when that is taken away. Reply | Quote 0   0

Shaan Khan   |Manager |2009-05-14 16:32:01 If I were a Pakistani ( I have visited Pakistan once) I would vote for a government which is pro business (low taxes and less regulation) and development (education as well as industry). Reply | Quote 0   0

DON   |Manager |2009-05-15 10:31:23 There is no Government as such here brother. I am an ardent fan of Imran Khan former Cricketer but he can't go to the big seat. Establishment won't allow him. Which part of Pakistan you visited Shaan Bhai? Reply | Quote 0   0

Shaan Khan   |Manager |2009-05-15 15:46:00 Don Think what would have happened today if Zulfiqar Bhutto (regardless of whether he was good or bad) had not initiated some programs in the 70s. Today Pakistan has some say in its matter thanks to Bhutto's efforts in the 70s. Likewise if Jinnah, Ayub Khan & Co would have made education, industry and infrastructure their focus, today Pakistan would have been in an even better position. Some trees take almost a 100 years to bear fruit. If you start today, then there will be a future. If you don't start today, the future will be as bleak. Reply | Quote 0   0

Shaan Khan   |Manager |2009-05-15 15:47:52 I have no doubt that some day a Mahatir Muhammad (former PM of Malaysia) like leader will emerge in Pakistan who will put Pakistan on the right track. Reply | Quote 0   0

Shaan Khan   |Manager |2009-05-15 15:54:57 Years ago, I visited Clifton (Karachi) on a 10 day trip to attend a wedding. Unfortunately I was one amongst many US guest. I went with the whole group to all events. We stayed at a private house and almost ate all meals at someone's house. During that trip I visited Lahore, Islamabad and Muree. But even in those places we were so tightly (out of the love of the host) handled that we ate at ONLY friends and family of the host. It seemed that to suggest or think about eating at any restaurant was a taboo. But foods was great and girls in Clifton were beautiful. Reply | Quote 0   0

DON   |Manager |2009-05-15 19:34:05 I am an ardent fan of Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto in leadership after Sir Muhammad Ali Jinnah, at the moment my leader is Imran Khan, at least man of his words. Next time you visit Pakistan, do visit Lahore and do not forget to meet me. I wish i could come USA to meet you but one day i will. Reply | Quote 0   0

Shaan Khan   |Manager |2009-05-17 17:55:04 When ordinary citizens have the balls to publicly put their leaders in check, the nation benefits. The following is why America is great: *******www.youtube.com/watch?v=dM73gjZHMxI The above defines "freedom" in America. Unfortunately when people outside America think about freedom in USA they only think about the liberty that we grant Akshay Shaago (oops this slumdog now calls himself Mushy Preek) to wear woman's panties. I wish and pray for freedom for all people all over the world. Reply | Quote 1   0

DON   |Manager |2009-05-18 07:24:56 Yes man i agree with you. I am not against American but its policies. Reply | Quote 0   0

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